בית יעקב הכולל פשרת ויצא

--

ויאהב יעקב אה רחל ויאמר אעבדך שבע שנים איתא בגמרא (מ"ק י״ח ב׳) מן התורה ומן הנביאים ומן הכתובים מה אשה לאיש. מן התורה דכתיב ויאמר לבן ובתואל ויאמרו מה׳ יצא הדבר. מן הנביאים דכתיב ואביו ואמו לא ידעו כי מה׳ היא. מן הכתובים דכתיב בית והון נחלת אבות ומה׳ אשה משכלת.

This week’s Parsha explains that Parsha Yaakov loved Rachel and said I will work for you for seven years.  What Yaakov Avinu wanted and what he got were two separate things. So how did that happen?  The Gemara asks, how do we know that from Tanach, that Hashem makes matches for people?  The Gemara responds, in the Chumash, Lavan and Besuel say that the match between Yitzchak and Rivka is from Hashem. In the Navi, the regarding the  match between Shimson’s wife and Pasuk says “His father and Mother didn’t understand, it must have been from Hashem.” From Kesuvim, it says that a house and all of the riches, are your inheritance, but a great wife is from Hashem. So then how did Yaakov get the he didn’t love?

 ובבראשית רבה (פס׳׳ח ס״ג) מסיים. יש שהוא הולך אצל זיווגו.ויש שזווגו בא אצלו. יצחק זיווגו בא אצלו וירא והנה גמלים באים. יעקב הלך אצל זיווגו דכתיב ויצא יעקב. והנה מנין הולך אצל זווגו. כי זווג האשה הוא עזר .שהשי״ת שולח עזר לאדם (בראשית ב׳ י״ח) והנה בזה יש שני מינים אחד שהאדם לוקח לו כפי הבנתו. ויכלכל בדעתו איך לעזור בנפשו.  וזהו מי שהולך אצל זווגו

The Midrash answers the question by concluding a similar discussion on the subject, with the answer that there are those who go to meet their spouse, and others whose spouse goes to meet them. Yitzchak’s wife came to meet him,  Yaakov went to go meet his wife.  What is the meaning of seeking a spouse? The Chumash says that a spouse is an עזר   they assist and help, as Hashem has sent them as help to a person. So, then we can understand two ways that a person can meet their spouse in through their perception of what they need. This is the meaning of Midrash’s statement “someone goes to meet their spouse.”

  והשני היינו סיעתא שלא מדעת וזהו גדול יותר ממה שהאדם לוקח לו מדעתו. וכמו דאיתא בברכות( נ״ד) הפרו תורתך משום עת לעשות לה׳. זה נקרא זווגו בא אצלו.

There is another way as well; Hashem helps a person finding their spouse without the person knowing or understanding what is transpiring.  The בית יעקב says that this is even greater than when you choose your spouse. He explains the Gemara (quoting the pasuk) “It is time to do for Hashem, by breaking your Torah.” To mean it is time to do for Hashem , it is Hashem’s will what is transpiring right now, “to break your torah” you must go against your understanding and personal preference and follow His will. In this way we understand the Midrash’s statement,  “You are not going to your spouse, they are coming to you.”

 

 והנה האריז׳׳ל מחשב זווג יעקב ורחל להולך אצל זווגו. וזווג יעקב ולאה לזווגו בא אצלו. כי הליכתו ללבן היה בשביל רחל. ולאה באה לו מאליה. וענין סיעתא שלא מדעת הוא

The Arizal regards the relationship between Yaakov and Rachel as a person going to meet their spouse, because Rachel was the “one” who Yaakov went to Lavan in order to marry. His marriage to  Leah  happened without his knowledge or even his will. It was a case of being helped without knowing, or even wanting.

 

. אף כשידמה לאדם שאינו עושה מעשה טובה. ורק אח׳׳כ יסברר לטוב זה נקרא זווגו בא אצלו.

Even when a person thinks that they aren’t doing something which is correct and only afterwards do we see how it is turned around. This is a case of the spouse coming to you. These two dynamics exist all the time in a person’s life, there is the situation that you’d like to happen, and then there are things which happen to you which you don’t necessarily want, but they happen anyway. The thing that you’d like to happen is “when you go to your spouse.” The thing which you weren’t going to do, but it happens is “Your spouse comes to you.”

 

וזאת נקראת אם.  כמו שמצינו באדם הראשון שקראה אם כל חי (בראשית ג׳ כ׳) כי חוה היתה באה אצלו. כמו שכתוב ויבאה אל האדם (שם ב׳ כ״ב) וכמו שנתבאר בספר מי השלוח (פרשת בראשית) כי ניתנה לו לעזר שישמע לדבריה. אף במקום שלא יראה לנפשי כטוב

This relationship is referred to also as the “mother.”  In the same way that Chava was called the mother of all life, as she was brought to Adam. Adam was supposed to listen to her, even when her advice didn’t seem positive to him.

. וכן רבקה היתה זווגו בא אצלו. לפיכך בברכת יעקב נהגה רבקה אותו למעלה מדעתו

Therefore Rivka was also a wife who came to Yitzchak and “mother” to Yaakov, she arranged for Yaakov to get the Brachos against both Yaakov’s and Yitzchak’s knowledge.

 

. ונם ענין זווג דיעקב ולאה.  כי כל בני לאה לא היו נושאים חן כל כך על הגוון כמו בני רחל. ואף שאח״כ נחבררו שהם גדולים מאד. מכל מקום האדם אינו רוצה להכניס עצמו בספק. ועל זה איתא בזוה״ק (ויצא קנ”ד ב׳) מהכא דסאני בר נש עריין דאמיה. כי האדם רוצה לילן בטח בכל דרכיו. אך לאדם ששוב לפני הקב״ה. מזמין לו מעשה שאינה טובה על הגוון. ורק אח"כ יברר השי״ת כי היה למעלה מהשגתו:

We also see this concept emerge from the children of Yaakov’s marriage to Leah as well. The children of Leah don’t immediately find favor in everyone’s eyes, as opposed to the children of Rachel.  However at the end of the story we see their greatness. 

A person usually does not want to put themselves in a situation where they are not assured of a positive outcome. However, for a person someone to do teshuva, Hashem arranges their lives in a way that it doesn’t look good on the outside; however afterwards, Hashem clarifies that how it was good, only it was outside of their understanding.

 

 

 The Izhbitzer Tradition מסרת איזביצא

            See בית יעקב הכולל פרשת חיה שרה  and מי השלוח פרשת בראשית  which discuss the concept of spouses as עזר כנגדו and the dynamic of  adversity existing to constantly refine a person and advance them in terms of serving Hashem.

 

Practical Advice

There are so many times that we end up in a situations which are the opposite of what we want, what we intended. Yaakov Avinu went to go find Rachel, but instead ended up with Leah. Hashem was teaching Yaakov Avinu and all of the Jewish people about things that aren’t what you want, but are what you need to grow as a person. Were Yaakov to only have married Rachel, we wouldn’t know how to appreciate all of those situations that were not what we wanted.