בית יעקב חיי שרה

ויבוא אברהם לספוד לשרה ולבכותה . הנה זאת נתבאר כי כל ענין אשה הוא סייעתא וחשק

פרשת חיי שרה begins “And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to cry over her.” In order to understand the depth of Avraham’s mourning, we need to understand the depth of the meaning of one’s wife. A wife means the process of completion, as someone who is unmarried is called a half of a person. The מי השלוח ((פרשת בראשית explains that the creation of a mate, described as an עזר כנגדו means a helper who is opposing. This means that help in personal growth comes as a result of adversity. Similarly, the בית יעקב explains that a wife means the desire to complete and assistance in growing. Avraham is not simply mourning Sarah, his wife, he is mourning his loss of ability to serve Hashem.

. והנה איתא בגמרא (סוכה נ״ב א׳) האי הספידא מאי עבידתיה כו׳. חד אמר על משיח בן יוסף שנהרג. וחד אמר על יצר הרע שנהרג. האי הספידא בעי למעבר שמחה בעי למעבד . אמאי בכו כ ו ׳ . והנה שניהם הם ענין אחד . ששניהם מרמזים על כח עבודה שתיבטל לעתיד . כדאיתא בגמרא (נדה ס׳׳א ב׳) מצות בטלות לעתיד לבא. כי ענין שבן יוסף מורה על עבודה כידוע והנה בעת שיסתלק יצר הרע מן העולם אז יתבטלו כל העבודות

This concept does not just occur once in the torah. The בית יעקב gives us another example of such a funeral. The Gemara speaks about another funeral which will occur in the future as described by Zecharia. The Gemara asks who was the funeral for? The Gemara replies either the funeral of Mashiach the son of Yosef, or the Yetzer Hara. The Gemara asks, why would we mourn for the death of the Yetzer Hara?

The בית יעקב explains both opinions are mourning the loss of a person’s ability to grow and change. Moshiach ben Yosef means a persons’ ability to serve Hashem. When the Yetzer Hara is gone, so is the ability to actively serve Hashem, without the temptation, there is no struggle to serve Hashem, and therefore no resulting service of Hashem. The future funeral which the Gemara speaks of is the eventuality of the loss of the ability to make choices and serve Hashem with them. This is the implication of the Gemara that explains that in the future the Mitzvos will no longer apply.

. והנה גם אברהם אבינו עליו השלום בעת שנגמר בכל. אחר כל הנסיונות אז ניטל ממנו כל כח עבודתו וסייעתו. ולכן מתה עליי שרה הנקראה אשת חיל. והוא כח התשוקה

Avraham Avinu, similarly reached a point in his life where he finished the part where he was a work in progress. After he completed his last trial, the Akeida, where he was commanded to bind and sacrifice Yitzchak, he had completed his development. Therefore, after the Akeida, his wife, the source of his strength, his ability to complete himself, died.

. כי קודם שסיגל האדם מצות ומעשים טובים. ועוד איננו שלם בכל עניניו. אז מניחו השי״ת לילך לספיקות פן ירויח אך אחר ש־גמר אז אינו מניחו. כי ברכוש גדול לא יאות להאדם להכניסו בספק .

The בית יעקב explains the same idea within our lives. Before a person gets used to do Mitzvos, Hashem allows a person to be in a situation where they may or not succeed, in order for them to have the opportunity to excel. However after a person has completed themselves, Hashem does not allow them to enter into such a situation.

וזה שהתחיל המדרש רבה (חיי שרה פנ״ח ס״א) יודע ה׳ ימי תמימים ונחלתם לעולם תהיה. כי עד אברהם היה כל השפעות כאדם הנוטל בחוצפא. ואברהם התחיל לחשוב דרכיו. אז ימיו היו תמימים. שהשי"ת השגיח על מעשיו איך יתכלכלו בנחלה שלעולם תהיה:

This is why the Midrash of this week’s Parsha begins with the phrase “Hashem fills out the days of the perfect ones, and pays out their reward forever.” This means that once aperson has reached completion, there is no longer a chance for them to engage in the risky business of Avodah, as they could lose everything they gained. Until Avraham, everything existed in a state of “Chutzpah” just taking without paying for it. Once Avraham came and people began to earn their keep in the world.

This is why the Midrash quotes the Pasuk says that his days were completed, and his reward was assured as he had completed his work in the world.

מסורת איזביצא The Izhbitzer Tradition

The Izhbitzer Rebbes often talk of the processes of being and becoming an Oved Hashem, and completing one’s self. We see that Hashem makes a Shidduch between the person and his circumstances, in order to create the a (Bereshis with the creation of Chava, in מי השלוח ח"א ותפארת יוסף פרשת בראשית)

Practical Advice

A person needs to realize that their challenges are Shidduchim to us from the time of creation, sent specifically to you for your improvement. All of our relationships, especially with our spouses are geared for our self perfection, as we so often are faced with opposition, which is ultimately for our benefit.